Marriages are not steady. In the last 10 years, such instances have increased drastically.

“Dharme Cha, Arthe Cha, Kame Cha Naaticharami” – This is a vow taken by the couple during the wedding in India. It implies that together we shall achieve the goals of life viz., dharma (abidance to righteous duties), artha (earning wealth) and kama (fulfilling our desires). And this vow taken with Fire God as the witness!

In our country, we still fear Dharma (strictly abiding by righteous conduct). Dharma is God and God is Dharma. There is also respect and fear for elders and for Guru. We still follow the practice of matching the horoscopes to find an appropriate match for our children. The Mangala Sutra (holy necklace that is tied by the groom around the bride’s neck symbolizing the marriage) is tied amidst the sacred chants and the couple makes promises to one another. But in the west, all they do is exchange rings.

Those who fall in love and get married are said to follow the Gandharva practice. The Dharmic practice is one where elders make the decision after checking the horoscope and the lineage. There are many rules that we Hindus or Indians follow.

Earlier the earth was one unified mass of land. That is the reason it is said that Lord Rama also visited Indonesia, Cambodia. Many of our customs are practiced in those regions. Over the ages, the land masses separated owing to the natural calamities (Pralaya). Ours is Deva Karma Bhumi (Land of divine actions). We must follow and protect our traditions.

These days, in India, the girls and the boys are allowed to meet, speak to one another, familiarize with their partners and make an informed decision. Earlier this was not the case, only at the time of the wedding, the boy and girl would see one another. There was no question of talking to each other before the wedding. They would accept the partner chosen for them by their elders because they believed parents to be more important than themselves, they believed Dharma to be more important than the individuals, and they believed God and their own lineage to be more important than themselves! That was the reason good progeny was born to such couple. Such a great principle is enshrined in our culture.

But this is not the case in the west. Most people in the west marry multiple times. They introduce their children as first wife’s son, or second husband’s children. How we can do this? There is no value for relationships. I am not criticizing them, but am just explaining to you their culture!

Our culture respects a couple as Lakshmi Narayana, or Shiva Parvati! A connection once made has to last for a life time. This is our culture. Even in India couples fight, argue, and may not have children, but they would never divorce as they feared Dharma (righteous behaviour) and the vows they made to each other in the presence of Fire God. They perhaps would adopt a child, or try various treatments to have a child, but they would never separate.

However these days, even in India, we see children very easily opting for divorce. They are very well educated, and they feel very independent and have free will. There have lost the sanctity and fear of God, and Dharma. Our practices lead to a healthy, pious life and pave the way to become close to God and to attain liberation. These practices makes us eligible to reach this state. It is ok to not marry at all, but gambling with relationships is not.

Even if the spouse was not a good person, in the past, they would live apart and not divorce. If the spouse is very cruel, only in the extreme conditions, Dharma allows you to choose divorce, as the last resort, as the only means to protect yourself. Only in such a case, there is exemption. Which woman would wish to lose her auspicious symbols of Kumkum, Mangalya, flowers? Even if the husband is a drunkard, she still protects her symbols of auspiciousness and lives boldly. Where there is fear of Dharma, the valuable traditions are respected and followed.

This is the reason that in the current times, the girl and boy are allowed to meet and get to know one another. It is important to be transparent and talk openly before making the significant decision of life.

In these days many people decide to live alone after getting married. Why did you marry then? If you want to live alone, think about it and decide upfront and stay away from marriage. Suddenly after having two children, you decide you want to live alone. I completely dislike such people. Even if you marry and wish to live alone, do it with consensus between yourselves. Like Ramakrishna and Sharada Mata. Today also there are many of my devotees who lead such lives and serve Sri Swamiji. They do not want to have children. They live in the same house, but live a life of celibacy. The live happily, eat from the same plate! Understanding is essential!

(Q&A Session, 13 Nov 2016)