If he does not return for 12 years i.e. if there is no news from him for 12 years, he can be considered to be dead. One can perform the necessary last rites. In case he returns after this, the wife should see him first in a temple or in Guru Sannidhi and can then accept him.

(Sri Swamiji continued jokingly..) Do not kill him, since you’ve already considered him dead and performed all the rituals! First pour water on him, to make sure he is not a spirit! You can also brandish him with a hot rod! If he screams, you can be sure he is not dead! If he comes to know you will treat him like this, he will probably not return at all! If I were to be in the place of the wife, I would strip him in public and pour hot water and then also put chilli powder!

Prasadanna narrates a story of Sri Swamiji’s ancestors.

About 10 years ago, Sri Swamiji visited one Mr. Ramaswamy (father of Kannada film actor Srinath) in Bangalore. He was very aged. Ramaswamy narrated this story then. Jayalakshmi Mata’s father was Lingannaiah. His grandfather was a Yajurveda Ghanapati who was residing in Channapatna (a small town about 30 KMs from Bangalore). Sri Nrusimha Bharathi was the Jagadguru of Shringeri. He was known to be very short-tempered, but was a very great Yati. The Yati was going to visit Mandya, a place close to Channapatna. So the great-grandfather of Jayalakshmi Mata requested Sri Nrusimha Bharati to grace them with a visit to their house in Channapatna. He readily agreed. Here is Channapatna, all preparations were in full swing for the Yati’s visit. But some Brahmins, in this town were not happy with the Yati’s decision to visit this Ghanapati’s house.

They questioned him, “How can you invite the Yati to your house? Your sister’s husband left for Kashi 6 years ago and has still not returned. Though he did not return for so many years, you have neither performed the last rites nor has your sister given up the auspicious symbols of a married women (such as shaving one’s head). How can you invite the Yati to your house?? It is very wrong. This bunch of Brahmins also went to Sri Nrusimha Bharati and complained about the Ghanapati’s family and requested that He should not go to their house. As they believed that the Ghanapati did not practice the Dharma Shastra diligently, and if the Yati visited them, it would imply that He endorses their incorrect practices. It would be a grave mistake.

At that time, the Shringeri Jagadguru, gave the exact same answer as Swamiji did and told that one must wait for 12 years for the husband to return. You should not make her a widow before this period of 12 years. He confirmed that He would visit Lingannaiah’s grandfather in Channapatna and He spent about half a day in their house. About a year later, the 7th year, his sister’s husband returned from Kashi. And he was accepted.

When Nalvadi Krishnaraja Wodeyar (King of Mysore) was traveling to Bangalore, he was told that there is a great Ghananta scholar in Channapatna, referring to Lingannaiah’s grandfather. He wished to invite the scholar to Mysore and have him reside there permanently. He sent some of his ministers to invite him requesting him to run the Veda Patashala (Vedic school) in the palace. The Ghanapati smiled and politely refused saying that he is blissfully absorbed in the worship of Lord Shiva and the study of Vedas in Channapatna. He was not desirous of living in the palace or interested in any of those luxuries. He humbly requested the minister to convey the same to the king. He accepted the fruits and milk that was offered to him by the ministers and sent them back. The king was very surprised. During one of his travels to Bangalore, he made a visit to the scholar’s house unannounced. The scholar was very surprised to see the King and humbly submitted that he did not suitable seating for the king. He could only offer a wooden plank (Mane). The king happily accepted his hospitality and then proceeded on his travel. This was beautifully narrated by Srinath’s brother to Sri Swamiji during that house visit. This is an incident in the family of Sri Jayalakshmi Mata’s ancestors.

(Q&A Session, 19 Mar 2017)