There are a number of women who live like Devis. Your question is when they do not behave like a Devi. Don’t treat them so! Instead, treat them as Mudevis (antithesis of Lakshmi).

Even amongst the female goddesses there are the demonic ones like Kali, Hidimaba and others. They too would flare up when provoked. Given that these aspects are present even in Goddesses, can you treat every women as a Goddess? If you do, they will behave like gentle goddesses and will be loving and caring.

I do not believe that women are only rebellious and harsh. In fact, the quality of nurturing and gentleness is a part of the female persona. It is circumstances that bring out other traits. If she is good to her parents how can she be a demon with her in laws? It must be the situation and stifling atmosphere within the home that makes a gentle girl into a screaming shrew. The same girl would still be gentle caring and loving in the environment outside her married home but her environment in her married home may bring out this behaviour in her.

There are three contributory factors to this kind of situation. The first culprits are the parents who just want to get their daughters married off, whether the groom is right for their daughter or not. The second are the in-laws. They never give them their due and instead pick faults. The third culprit is the husband himself who does not give the wife the understanding and consideration required, due to his total attachment to his parents.

Parents are in a hurry to get their daughters married. The woman finally is caught up in this helpless situation and is bound to become a shrew. ‘Naari’ becomes ‘Maari’. We must respect women says our dharma. In her home she may be bad but in my eyes in society she is fine.

Marrying and divorcing in three months is certainly wrong. With the husband and in society she behaves well. Suddenly how does she change in the domestic scenario? Why do you condemn her alone? Even divorce courts give time to couples to come to an understanding before the final divorce. If there is no understanding and love, how will the marriage last and how can it be only the woman’s fault? Instead of quarrelling over long divorce cases, it is better to settle it mutually.

Arranged marriages and love marriages fall into the same category as far as divorce is concerned. The first mistake is falling in love. During the period of infatuation they get married and once the novelty wears off, it is the divorce courts. It is wrong to fall in love and get married without the parents’ consent.

There are another set of parents, who will not oppose an alliance even if it is not the correct match. Either they are afraid of hurting their children or they just want to be rid of the moral responsibility. You cannot marry in a hurry, and regret later. Everyone suffers and if there are children, they are the worst affected. Men behave badly, so do women.

Therefore, remember, every human has a right to live their life independently. The shrew you are complaining about may be a very gentle person in reality. For example, a shrew at home could be really a gentle girl outside, helpful to an old neighbor or a helpless traveller. She behaves well in society and in all environments except her husband’s home. Why? Isn’t it the fault of the environment there? I see woman as a daughter, a sister a mother. I’m not against women. The basic issue is that it is a domestic problem, which can be solved only with mutual understanding.

Marriage is a dharma, not a mere exchange of vows! It is not just fulfilment of carnal desire. It is not as if a woman is only a utility item to care for her in-laws, her husband, and his family and ignore her family. She is one more human being like you. Just because she is a woman, it does not mean that only she should behave dutifully, meekly and submissively. Her wrong behavior is merely an act of rebellion against the binding responsibilities that are restricting her.

(Q&A Session 3 Jan 2016)